It must be me

Why do I sometimes feel that there are people I know, friends and family members alike, who are somewhat ashamed (if I may use this word) of me?

It's like I'm not good enough for them and like "I don't belong" when they are with a particular group of other friends.

Why do I say I feel this way sometimes? Well, action speaks louder than words.

They can publicly acknowledge others but for the same thing, acknowledge me in private. Are you ashamed to do the same with me publicly? Tsk tsk tsk...

And yet, at times, your darkest secrets are dumped my way coz I can keep it in and I don't judge what you do or how you are. It works both ways coz you too may know my darkest secrets. Is that why you shy away?  My misdemanours bother you? But you all came to me with yours. Do you see me treat you differently?

Taking it in good faith and light, I know you all don't like the drama queen in me. And how I may react to the same acknowledgements. Like it or not, I do tend to over react (by your standards)especially when I get excited. Though I adore the attention, I don't mean to take the limelight. I'm just being me.

So to my few family members and the few friends, I just pray that we are all sincere in our intentions and our actions. Don't judge. You don't walk in my shoes and you don't leave the footprints that I leave. So, please. Don't judge me.

Friends and Opportunists

Why do I feel like FRIENDSHIP in this day and age has now taken another meaning? I see too many people befriending each other for different reasons these days, and gone are the days when you and your bff will go through thick and thin together.

I'm not talking about my bffs though, the very few of them that I have are awesome! I'm referring to newer or later friendships. They usually start with either friends of your family members or your other friends, or people you meet and befriend at work or through work or your business.

You started out "clicking" with them due to things that you share or value that are in common. What irks me is that these people seemed to be genuinely interested in you as a friend, when in actual fact it's ONLY because you benefit them in one way or another.

The moment you no longer benefit these group of people, suddenly those things you had in common disappeared. Along with the newly developed friendship.

I guess I am equally guilty of being that friendly opportunist too. Maintaining friendship over social media networks only. If fb does not tell me when your birthday is, I will not remember. Ehhh...wait. I know I'm definitely not an opportunist, so that leaves me being less of a friend. Still guilty though.

So, I am making that pledge now. Unfriend me please if I am of no good in any way to you. My presence as a friend or follower and adding on to your fb or IG numbers mean nothing coz you don't see my postings on your feed anyway.

You know how and where to reach me if you know me well enough. 😉

The Pillar

I see this in too many households, regardless of who the breadwinner for that family may be. It is always the wife,  who is also most often the mother, who takes charge. Sometimes subtly, without the rest of the family members even noticing. At other times, dominantly that it's visible to everyone.

Whether the wife or mother, this person is a woman.

I've heard too many a time from my friends, men and women alike, about how the woman takes charge of the family. The man aka the husband makes his decision based on the wife's take. Whether or not it is he, the man who brings home the money or it is she, the woman, the wife and the mother who makes the family income. After all, a happy wife makes a happy family! So let her decide and control!

And then, at times, the unexpected happens. The woman is no longer in control, by choice or otherwise. The woman may have been called to meet her Creator. Or she has her own other challenges and issues either at the workplace, or in the home front especially her relationship with Mr. Hubs.

You suddenly see the men that have been taking a back seat, all lost and desperate. Yes, desperate. Not knowing what to do, when to do and start blaming everybody else when things don't work out. I had a brief chat with a friend who lost his wife last year, and celebrated his first Raya without her. He went back to his hometown in time for the last few days of Ramadan but totally unprepared for the Aidilfitri celebrations. He went like "Alamak, baju Raya? Where's my baju Melayu, sampin n butang baju?" *panic*

After that it was "Huh? Duit Raya? I belum tukar lagi...selalunya my Mrs. does all that"

And it doesn't stop there..."my favourite kuih semperit. Sapa nk buatkan?"

This is just one of the many other instances when the Mrs. takes charge, whether you realise it or not.

It take so much to be the woman I've been describing above. The pillar in the family. Quoting Jeff Sepah in MLM (in meaning maybe not in exact words) "memang laa ayah ketua keluarga, kepala keluarga...mak kau tu tengkok. Bila tengkok toleh kanan, kepala turut ikut toleh kanan" What a way to describe the Mrs., the mother, the woman.

The pillar that she is in holding up and holding together the institution, please always remember that this pillar is far from being the cold cement that pillars are made of.

This pillar is warm and gentle, soft and sweet. Please handle with TLC.

It's Father's Day Again

This is a tribute to my Daddy, he won't read this as he is not on the net but I'm honouring this space for you, Daddy.

One year has passed. It's Father's Day again. And I'm still without a pix collage that we netizens usually post to boast of our pride and joys. Looks like I'll just have to say what I feel.

I am indeed blessed to have a father, my Daddy, who has taught me all I need to know about being a person. Daddy is not the talkative kind (that, I inherited from my mum). But those few things  Daddy had to say, sums up almost everything I need to guide me in living my life. The values and the steadfast principles which I have embedded since my growing up years, largely made me what I am today.

For that, I can never be thankful enough.

Daddy still watches over me. He would be the one to call me and check on me anytime, everytime. The fact that I'm the mother to his only three grandchildren, just pushed me up a few notches more, I know that now.

It wasn't all roses as I went through my years of rebellion way back once upon a time. But Daddy was still the one, who came to me and let me have my way when so many others were close to disowning me.

It hasn't been easy for you too, being the sole bread winner for this family of ours then, you had your ups and downs too. I'm glad I can give back to you now, maybe not in so many ways, but in ways that I believe are meaningful enough for you.

My prayers that Allah continues blessing you with good health, I haven't had enough of having a father. Fifty years on, I still need Daddy in my life.

I love you, Daddy.

Ramadan Kareem

I remember pretty well, fasting during  my growing up years when we were living in PJ for 6 years, then in Bangsar for another 6 years. After that was like 12 years of adulthood in Bangsar before I moved on to a different phase in my life.

I don't remember the big fuss about performing Tarawih prayers at the mosque diligently. Usually, only the old folks so that. Ans then there wasn't such thing as PARAM (pasar Ramadan katanya). And there was no slightest sign of Raya kuih, baju Raya what more jubahs, tudungs and kupiahs.

What I remember clearly was how we had to observe the fasting. Other than not eating and drinking, we didn't do much else either. I guess we were avoiding anything that could batal our fasting.

By early afternoon, mum would be busy preparing for Iftar and sahur. That was pretty routine.

We would go on like that for close to three weeks before the excitement of Raya was felt. After three weeks of fasting, then only we get to be treated to a few baju Raya, get to play fireworks, baked Raya cookies and travelled back to Dad's hometown in Kuala Kangsar in time for Malam Tujuh Likur. Now THAT...was really a festive occasion.

How time has changed so much. Last week, I was at Plaza Angsana in JB to grab some stuffs at the pharmacy. Shocked as I was, the shopping complex was already packed at every possible corridor and corner, with vendors selling BAJU RAYA, KUIH RAYA n all that!!! Hellooooooo, how can you appreciate Raya without going through Ramadan?

Have we lost it? Seriously. Do we really know the true meaning of Ramadan and Syawal?

I really, really thought we are already a more knowledgeable, well-informed and well-learned society. The way so many of us are going on and on about our religion. Oh wow. #speechless

Just saying

I'm regarded as being somewhat active on Facebook and Instagram. Facebook, especially, where I tend to just express my thoughts, at other times pouring out my inner feelings. The drama queen that I am, I wasn't seeking attention nor was I asking for comments and feedbacks. I totally appreciate and am eternally grateful to the friends who always post their comments on my wall: words of encouragement, pacifying me and all that jazz.

Truth of the matter is, I just want to say something. On my wall. No responses solicited.

Looks like on Facebook, that may not be the case. It is a social media network!

So, since I decided to resume my writing here, I may as well shift my thoughts, my feelings and views here. Remember I have the apps downloaded on my Android? I can now just say my piece here.

Bye2 now.