I am an Extroverted Introvert

I first read this piece about two years ago and immediately relate! The writer was talking about me!!! Yes! I am an Extroverted Introvert (though I tested as an ENFP twice over a span of 12 years between each test) Read on...

HOW EXTROVERTED INTROVERTS INTERACT DIFFERENTLY WITH THE WORLD   - written by Anna Bashedly on annabash.com on 12 Feb 2016.

Your whole life you’ve been confusing people - including yourself. Social interactions can either recharge or drain your social batteries. Parties can make you feel alive, switched on, and your most confident - or completely bored, annoyed and withdrawn. You’re resilient and sensitive at the same time. Very social but rarely out. You enjoy being the center of attention - there are days when you think out loud, and you rarely care. And then there are days when you over-think everything, rarely thinking out loud, your annoying inner monologue kicking in. The entirety of your being is a conundrum.

You need constant mental stimulation. You hate first dates.“Please anything but small talk” you think to yourself. Unlike a real extrovert, small talk stresses you out like crazy - you need deeper conversations to make you feel alive. At times you physically can't stand talking on the phone. You’ll screen your phone calls - even from your closest friends. It’s too intrusive for you. Friends expect you to tear your mind away from whatever it is you focusing on and focus on them. This literally makes your brain hurt, your mind can’t change direction easily.

Maintaining friendships is a constant struggle for you. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire world. You’ll connect with people very easily, that’s not the problem. Here's the thing, when you meet with someone, you’ll go out of your way to make them feel comfortable and happy, but it takes you a while to feel fully comfortably, so you can only take being around others incrementally.

At the same time, when you’re upset you need to talk it out with at least three different people. This can puzzle you emotionally - you need to be surrounded by people to be happy, but you also have moments of wanting to isolate yourself to recharge and be left alone with your thoughts. Your self-angst is maxed out. You often feel like you’re out of control of your emotional life - so you compensate by tending to desire control in other areas of your life.  You’re driven, often a perfectionist, you care about the outcome of things. Indecisiveness is your Achilles’ Heel.

You ebb and flow between needing time alone to recharge your batteries and getting bored or antsy spending a day at home alone - this sort of down time feels either completely satisfying or utterly pointless, it all depends on your mood. 

Sometimes you feel like you were made in reverse. Coffee can actually be counter-productive for you. You hate traditional systems. You notice details that others don't. You loathe the concept of how things “should be” - from the structure of our educational system to certain “rites of passage.” You think about everything - maybe a little too much. But it’s in your intolerability of “what’s supposed to be” that you innovate your own life.

Being a unique blend of both an extrovert and introvert makes you interact with the world a little bit differently than others, while it can be stressful, it often makes you see the world originally, too.

Here and Now

Most people (including me) do something when it's convenient to us or when it benefits us. Rarely do we look at the bigger picture. What matters are usually the now and the here. Well, of course the now and the here is important after all "life is short." But also remember the adage (I'm using my perspective as a Muslim and a human being) "Play as if you will live forever, Pray as if you will die tomorrow"

Ok I have digressed 😁 Back to what benefits us, the now and the here. This is what I meant.

We pump our car fuel at Shell coz this is the brand we know since whenever. We go all sceptical over filling our tanks with Petronas or BHP coz they are local aka Malaysian-made.

We subscribe to the most "credible and reliable" (perception only okay) mobile communications network like Maxis coz we believe theirs is the best. We complain about how Celcom or Altel service sucks no matter how they can be good too, simply because they are homegrown too. It doesn't matter you see, where our money goes to when Maxis profits vs when Celcom or Altel profits. (Celcom also has foreign stake now 😐)

We must have Astro in our houses and not TM's HyppTV. Again doesn't matter to us where Astro's profits go to and where TM's profits go to.

For the Muslims, we go to the Banks and take conventional financing but not one that is Syariah-compliant because the monthly instalments are more affordable they say. What about the guilt of riba now against saham Akhirat when doing good. Don't you have faith in The Almighty that the extra ringgit you pay now for a Syariah-compliant financing will actually open the rezeki floodgates for you?

All the above, and more...I am reminding myself too. As I am equally guilty of acquiring what tends to benefit me now.

I'm not done here. I will continue.

It must be me

Why do I sometimes feel that there are people I know, friends and family members alike, who are somewhat ashamed (if I may use this word) of me?

It's like I'm not good enough for them and like "I don't belong" when they are with a particular group of other friends.

Why do I say I feel this way sometimes? Well, action speaks louder than words.

They can publicly acknowledge others but for the same thing, acknowledge me in private. Are you ashamed to do the same with me publicly? Tsk tsk tsk...

And yet, at times, your darkest secrets are dumped my way coz I can keep it in and I don't judge what you do or how you are. It works both ways coz you too may know my darkest secrets. Is that why you shy away?  My misdemanours bother you? But you all came to me with yours. Do you see me treat you differently?

Taking it in good faith and light, I know you all don't like the drama queen in me. And how I may react to the same acknowledgements. Like it or not, I do tend to over react (by your standards)especially when I get excited. Though I adore the attention, I don't mean to take the limelight. I'm just being me.

So to my few family members and the few friends, I just pray that we are all sincere in our intentions and our actions. Don't judge. You don't walk in my shoes and you don't leave the footprints that I leave. So, please. Don't judge me.

Friends and Opportunists

Why do I feel like FRIENDSHIP in this day and age has now taken another meaning? I see too many people befriending each other for different reasons these days, and gone are the days when you and your bff will go through thick and thin together.

I'm not talking about my bffs though, the very few of them that I have are awesome! I'm referring to newer or later friendships. They usually start with either friends of your family members or your other friends, or people you meet and befriend at work or through work or your business.

You started out "clicking" with them due to things that you share or value that are in common. What irks me is that these people seemed to be genuinely interested in you as a friend, when in actual fact it's ONLY because you benefit them in one way or another.

The moment you no longer benefit these group of people, suddenly those things you had in common disappeared. Along with the newly developed friendship.

I guess I am equally guilty of being that friendly opportunist too. Maintaining friendship over social media networks only. If fb does not tell me when your birthday is, I will not remember. Ehhh...wait. I know I'm definitely not an opportunist, so that leaves me being less of a friend. Still guilty though.

So, I am making that pledge now. Unfriend me please if I am of no good in any way to you. My presence as a friend or follower and adding on to your fb or IG numbers mean nothing coz you don't see my postings on your feed anyway.

You know how and where to reach me if you know me well enough. 😉

The Pillar

I see this in too many households, regardless of who the breadwinner for that family may be. It is always the wife,  who is also most often the mother, who takes charge. Sometimes subtly, without the rest of the family members even noticing. At other times, dominantly that it's visible to everyone.

Whether the wife or mother, this person is a woman.

I've heard too many a time from my friends, men and women alike, about how the woman takes charge of the family. The man aka the husband makes his decision based on the wife's take. Whether or not it is he, the man who brings home the money or it is she, the woman, the wife and the mother who makes the family income. After all, a happy wife makes a happy family! So let her decide and control!

And then, at times, the unexpected happens. The woman is no longer in control, by choice or otherwise. The woman may have been called to meet her Creator. Or she has her own other challenges and issues either at the workplace, or in the home front especially her relationship with Mr. Hubs.

You suddenly see the men that have been taking a back seat, all lost and desperate. Yes, desperate. Not knowing what to do, when to do and start blaming everybody else when things don't work out. I had a brief chat with a friend who lost his wife last year, and celebrated his first Raya without her. He went back to his hometown in time for the last few days of Ramadan but totally unprepared for the Aidilfitri celebrations. He went like "Alamak, baju Raya? Where's my baju Melayu, sampin n butang baju?" *panic*

After that it was "Huh? Duit Raya? I belum tukar lagi...selalunya my Mrs. does all that"

And it doesn't stop there..."my favourite kuih semperit. Sapa nk buatkan?"

This is just one of the many other instances when the Mrs. takes charge, whether you realise it or not.

It take so much to be the woman I've been describing above. The pillar in the family. Quoting Jeff Sepah in MLM (in meaning maybe not in exact words) "memang laa ayah ketua keluarga, kepala keluarga...mak kau tu tengkok. Bila tengkok toleh kanan, kepala turut ikut toleh kanan" What a way to describe the Mrs., the mother, the woman.

The pillar that she is in holding up and holding together the institution, please always remember that this pillar is far from being the cold cement that pillars are made of.

This pillar is warm and gentle, soft and sweet. Please handle with TLC.

It's Father's Day Again

This is a tribute to my Daddy, he won't read this as he is not on the net but I'm honouring this space for you, Daddy.

One year has passed. It's Father's Day again. And I'm still without a pix collage that we netizens usually post to boast of our pride and joys. Looks like I'll just have to say what I feel.

I am indeed blessed to have a father, my Daddy, who has taught me all I need to know about being a person. Daddy is not the talkative kind (that, I inherited from my mum). But those few things  Daddy had to say, sums up almost everything I need to guide me in living my life. The values and the steadfast principles which I have embedded since my growing up years, largely made me what I am today.

For that, I can never be thankful enough.

Daddy still watches over me. He would be the one to call me and check on me anytime, everytime. The fact that I'm the mother to his only three grandchildren, just pushed me up a few notches more, I know that now.

It wasn't all roses as I went through my years of rebellion way back once upon a time. But Daddy was still the one, who came to me and let me have my way when so many others were close to disowning me.

It hasn't been easy for you too, being the sole bread winner for this family of ours then, you had your ups and downs too. I'm glad I can give back to you now, maybe not in so many ways, but in ways that I believe are meaningful enough for you.

My prayers that Allah continues blessing you with good health, I haven't had enough of having a father. Fifty years on, I still need Daddy in my life.

I love you, Daddy.

Ramadan Kareem

I remember pretty well, fasting during  my growing up years when we were living in PJ for 6 years, then in Bangsar for another 6 years. After that was like 12 years of adulthood in Bangsar before I moved on to a different phase in my life.

I don't remember the big fuss about performing Tarawih prayers at the mosque diligently. Usually, only the old folks so that. Ans then there wasn't such thing as PARAM (pasar Ramadan katanya). And there was no slightest sign of Raya kuih, baju Raya what more jubahs, tudungs and kupiahs.

What I remember clearly was how we had to observe the fasting. Other than not eating and drinking, we didn't do much else either. I guess we were avoiding anything that could batal our fasting.

By early afternoon, mum would be busy preparing for Iftar and sahur. That was pretty routine.

We would go on like that for close to three weeks before the excitement of Raya was felt. After three weeks of fasting, then only we get to be treated to a few baju Raya, get to play fireworks, baked Raya cookies and travelled back to Dad's hometown in Kuala Kangsar in time for Malam Tujuh Likur. Now THAT...was really a festive occasion.

How time has changed so much. Last week, I was at Plaza Angsana in JB to grab some stuffs at the pharmacy. Shocked as I was, the shopping complex was already packed at every possible corridor and corner, with vendors selling BAJU RAYA, KUIH RAYA n all that!!! Hellooooooo, how can you appreciate Raya without going through Ramadan?

Have we lost it? Seriously. Do we really know the true meaning of Ramadan and Syawal?

I really, really thought we are already a more knowledgeable, well-informed and well-learned society. The way so many of us are going on and on about our religion. Oh wow. #speechless